The Joy of a Happy Perspective

The past several entries have centered around the premis of Mr. Hugh Hewitt's book, The Happiest Life: Seven Gifts, Seven Givers, and the Secret to Genuine Success. I enjoyed discovering the common denominators of happy people: encouragement, energy, enthusiasm, empathy, good humor, graciousness and gratitude. I do not believe there were any major bombshells uncovered, but hopefully a seed to two was planted. Or maybe you are one of these beautifully happy people traveling in our midst. And if you are, thank you!

Happiness is about perspective. You know, the whole half-empty, half-full glass discussion. The answer is quite telling yet I also think it might change depending on the type of day you are experiencing. Some days are like Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. You might really want to pack your bags and move to Australia (which sounds pretty good to me). But the joy comes in knowing that you learned something important from a bad day. And probably something you won't repeat. Some things are completely out of our control and we have to let those things go. This concept is beyond hard for some people but the truth is until you learn to let go, continual happiness is going to elude you. That in itself, is a tragedy.

I remember my sophomore year in college, a person very close to me asked, "Why are you so happy all the time?". We were on a sidewalk headed toward a mall to do some shopping and seriously, who would not be happy about that? But, I remember shrugging my shoulders and emotionally turning inward a little. Was there something wrong with me? Was I a bit of an idiot (my brothers are not allowed to answer this question)? Should I brood a little more? This question dogged me for a long time and I think altered me a bit. Now, older and wiser, I wish I would have said, "Sure beats the alternative!" But more importantly, I realize that question had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the other person.

Our time on Earth is short yet we have the chance to meet so many people in our daily lives and make a positive difference. And here's the best part - you can do this for free! No donations other than smiles. No verbal commitment other than to say hello, happily. No long term contract other than while you are improving the lives of others, you are improving you. That is quite a return on your investment! 

I hope you have enjoyed the segment we covered in January and I hope you will continue along the path of joyful opportunity. A lot of people are looking for the key to happiness and the thing is, they have been holding it the whole time. They just need someone to show them how to unlock the latch. Perhaps, just perhaps, you will find a new role as a happiness locksmith. And if so, I hope your business thrives.

Carry on, happy one, carry on!

The Joy of Gratitude

I am a quote person and I blame it all on Mr. Foor-Hogue, my high school chemistry teacher. Every day when we would walk into class we would have to enter the quote of the day he had written on the upper left hand side of the chalkboard into our chemistry journal. Of course there was the usual grumbling by the all knowing teenagers, but secretly, I loved his quotes. I could not give you one abbreviation off the periodic chart, but I memorized a lot of his quotes. Maybe that was his point: the left brain and the right brain can collide and survive. Mr. Foor-Hogue, this is 25+ years too late, but I am grateful for you. Because of your small, thoughtful action, I have noticed and collected quotes from everywhere possible. I find them in bathrooms, on tshirts, in song lyrics, on bumper stickers, on signs in stores, on bulletin boards, in letters from relatives and from the mouths of my children. And most of my quotes have to do with GRATITUDE, the final attribute in the seven characteristics of happy people.
I have decided to share a few with you today.
"It's not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy." I saw this on a sign for sale in TJMaxx.
"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness just to be happy." Guilllaume Apollinaire
"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything." Inspirational quote website.
"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have." Sheryl Crow, Soak Up the Sun
And my favorite that I saw on a tshirt many, many moons ago: Gratitude is the New Attitude!
I should have purchased that shirt. Non-buyers remorse. 
I have a chalkboard serving tray a dear friend of mine made me when I moved from Austin to Cary. I frequently think of writing, "If you're going to give me attitude, it better be in the form of gratitude" and then I want to snap my fingers three times, crossing my body. Um hmm...you go, girl. 
Gratitude. This is the easiest word on the list and probably the least used. I remember living in Greenville, NC and I was working for a small business right after graduation. Sometimes on my way home I would make a quick stop at Harris Teeter. There was a young man with Down's Syndrome who was employed as a bagger. He always had a gigantic warm smile to share and a small tidbit about his day. One evening he was excited because Friday was only two days away and it was pay day! Whoop! "Oh!, I said, "Friday is a very special day!" He looked at me with a tilted head and frankly reminded me, "No m'am, every day is a special day.". I hugged that sweet boy, cried on the way home and carried that message around in my heart all these years. Gratitude.
Forrest Gump is a beautiful example of gratitude. It's the simplicity of this word that is astounding. And the funny thing is we can all achieve and own gratitude. But again, like happiness, it's a choice. My daughter and I each have a gratitude journal. We are pretty faithful about entering the daily occurrences in our lives for which we are thankful. This past week, we had four unexpected snow days. There was a lot of grumbling  by parents about another day stuck at home with the children. And I get that. But there was another voice starting to filter in through the frustrated tweets. "Thank you for keeping our children safe." Many parts of our county had icy road conditions. "Thank you for amazing memories with our kiddos!" And photos of snow people, sledding, forts, snowball fights, and recipes for snow cream filled my computer screen. Unexpected moments of happy. Anna and I are both grateful for our steep driveway that people sometimes grumble about for various reasons. For you see, we had our own personal ski slope for three action packed days that we happily shared with our neighborhood friends.  It was epic and I will always be grateful for the red cheeks, the watery eyes, the snow covered clothes, the pink fingers and the ginormous smiles that exuded gratitude a thousand times over. 
Gratitude. Pass it on. It will be the best free thing you do all day. And for the record, you can quote me on that!

The Joy of Graciousness

Today we are taking a closer look at graciousness, number six on Mr. Hewitt's list of happy people traits. The root of the word, gracious, is defined as "marked by kindness and courtesy". Wouldn't it be grand if gracious people were marked with a lovely, calligraphy scripted G on their sweater? Kind of like a monogram but alas, as we know, branding people is usually inaccurate and well, one dimensional, which humans are not. Think Hester Prynne from The Scarlett Letter. 

Here is a secret. I am addicted to gracious people. Why? Because gracious people always leave you feeling better when you depart their company. Here are a few things gracious people do:

• Listens to others more than speak about self
• Is humble with accomplishments and praises others' efforts easily
• Does not embarrass deliberately and intentionally 
• Genuinely thankful for even the tiniest gesture
• Pays attention to others and remembers details of their life/conversation
• Thinks through their words before they speak aloud
• Has a knack for making people feel comfortable and appreciated
• Consistently recognizes the good in others

I am always amazed by people who remember the tiniest details I may have quickly shared in a conversation. Or the fact that they will remember my children's names or maybe that I once lived on the Outer Banks. "Did you ever get a milkshake from John's?" they might ask and we quickly reminisce and long for the best cold, creamy concoctions located on the old beach road. Gracious people are usually huggers. I love huggers. Gracious people tend to make you feel like the smartest person in the room. Gracious people smile. A lot. Rarely do they complain. And if they complain, they tend to provide a solution and then quickly ask for your opinion on the matter. They are considerate, find beauty in the distorted, laugh heartily and empathize easily, provide hope with their actions and give you the confidence to believe in yourself. 
Anne Frank wrote, "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.".    Scribbled in her journal, were thoughts and observations of a young teenager trapped in a secret annex for two, long years. She could not go with friends to enjoy ice cream on a beautiful summer evening. She could not dance in a gym with a boy while her girlfriends watched and giggled. She could not shop for the latest fashions. She could not feel grass between her toes. She could not smell the change of the seasons. All because she was Jewish and in certain parts of Europe, religious associations would cost you your life. Anne could have been a very angry, obstinate teenager full of hate and rage but she made a choice to do otherwise. When you read her diary, "kindness and courtesy" remain a pretty consistent and surprising theme. Anne Frank is an exceptional study of defining graciousness and a constant reminder that the little things do matter in a big, big way. 
Graciousness, like encouragement, is a gift we like to give and receive. I have mentioned this sentiment before. These traits make us better people and make others better, too. Yes, some are born with grace like personalities, but more often this is a learned practice. Grandparents are usually gracious beings. And thank goodness our children have exposure to those ears and hearts that love to hear the same story countless times, that always ask questions with earnest interest, that make our children feel like the most special beings in the world and always have a smile and a hug waiting to be delivered. Good gracious...we can learn a lot from a young girl who died early, tragically and unnecessarily and from those who walk among us, humbly, thankfully, joyfully and graciously. Study well. Study often. And remember, practice makes perfect. 
For more inspirational quotes from Anne Frank, you may visit this link: https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3720.Anne_Frank. Better yet, read her book, The Diary of Anne Frank. 

We Interrupt our Regularly Scheduled Blog....

Last week I received a reminder that we are a compassionate and joyful people. And while I can write words detailing examples of said acts, I humbly turn over my blog today to a video (sent to me from my Mom) that speaks a thousand words. Even if you are not a football fan, please keep watching...this play may change your mind about the football player stereotype.  Go Team!

http://youtu.be/0Ejh_hb15Fc

We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging.....um, tomorrow. Enjoy and feel free to share today's message.

The Joy of Good Humor

"Whatever else an American believes or disbelieves about himself, he is absolutely sure he has a sense of humor." E.B. White 

Humor is our common ground. I have yet to meet a person who does not enjoy a good laugh. Sure, I have met people who do not laugh often, but perhaps they savor humor as others savor a finely aged cheese. And I have encountered people who have the ability to laugh at everything and anything, including themselves. And I have watched humor dissolve a tense situation as deftly as an explosive specialist. And I have watched a grumpy toddler turn into a giggle monster with one silly word. Laughter, as they say, is the best medicine.
Laughter reduces tension in your whole body. Studies show it boosts your immune system, protects your heart and releases endorphins to act as "feel good" chemicals in your body. Laughter chases away the blues and enables you to gain a new perspective to stressful situations. Humor acts as a cohesive bond within your social, family and work relationships. And two more positive things about humor: there are no serious side effects and it's 100% free!
Our family subscribed to Reader's Digest when I was growing up in Carroll County, MD. I so looked forward to the monthly arrival of this magazine because tucked in between the advertisements and feel good stories were hilarious jokes and stories from real people. I am pretty sure I wore my Dad's ear out as I hastily read about the poor sap who inadvertantly hurt his new bride's feelings over her cooking or the Sunday School teacher who had define virgin to a Kindergarten class or the compilations of excuses for missed assignments or work days. Humor in Uniform was one of my favorites because a Corporal was always going to out maneuver a Commander in Chief. I loved anything that challenged authority.
The comics are still my favorite part of any newspaper. I grew up with Calvin and Hobbs, Bloom County, Family Circle, Peanuts, Marmaduke, Doonesbury, Garfield, and Hagar the Horrible. I never understood why Mary Worth or Prince Valiant were included...they were not funny.
My Dad enjoyed watching 60 Minutes but I could not wait for the last five minutes when Andy Rooney would unleash his satirical observation of every day life. I longed to be the next Andy Rooney or Erma Bombeck. While my peers were reading Little House on the Prairie or Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret I was chuckling over The Grass is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank and If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? Both figured out a way to put the laughter in serious situations and I miss their outlook terribly.
Laughter was always in our house. My Mom, my four Aunts, my Grandmom and my Great Aunt all have the same laugh. And I am sorry, no matter the horrendous, down in the dumps, no good, terrible, horrible day you were having, if they were laughing, you were laughing, too. A lot was forgiven over laughter. A lot of hurt was healed with laughter. And a lot of the best family memories are embedded with laughter. We even have a howler monkey story that has become a bit of a legend in our family history. But that story is for another day. People may not have always understood us, but they always laughed with us.
I am grateful my parents and brothers taught me to laugh freely at most situations. God and laughter will get you through life was a commonly heard quote in our house. Our family, like most families, have had their share of sorrow in our life story. And we mourn for a bit, but before we know it, someone is telling the story of when I earned the name Princess Pathfinder on our camping trips because I always managed to get lost in the campground. Or how Lou and Tom would be in opposite corners of the basement, pretend fighting, waiting for Mom to come barreling down the steps, followed by a "Sheesh!" when she discovered their shenanigans. Only to be repeated thirty minutes later. Or how the fireman asked my Mom if she ever saw a cat skeleton in a tree when our cat would not climb down. Or my Dad telling a joke so bad, only a child could double over in laughter at the sheer corniness of his words. His infectious laugh would carry through air, followed by a "Gotcha!". Oh, Dad, you silly ol' bear.
It makes perfect sense to me that good humor has made the happy people list. Without laughter, our lives would be dull indeed. And I would hate to go through one day without a hint of laughter. Dreadful, I say. Simply dreadful. So my simple advice for today is to take two heaping spoonfuls of good humor and then call me in the morning so we can share a laugh together. See you in the funny papers!

The Joy of Empathy

When I began doing a little research on the importance of empathy, I was thinking I would find lots of articles on why empathy is important in social relationships but what I discovered made me tilt my head like a puppy that doesn't quite understand his human's command. Companies are paying big bucks to figure out how to bring empathy not into their work force, but into their business model. They are trying to figure out how to connect with their customers. Huh? And then I sat for a while and thought, "Laura, clearly you are not being very empathetic right now." And then I thought some more and it started to make sense.
The companies that are the most successful KNOW their customer. Steve Jobs was noted as knowing what customers wanted before they did. Neiman Marcus is the pinnacle of customer service relations. Disney continues to be a huge draw for families both with movies and amusement parks. Think about where you shop and why you continue to shop at a certain store, even if the location is not convenient. For me, I have probably fifteen grocery stores within a 10-mile radius but I will still go a bit further to get to Trader Joe's because they seem "to get me'. The employees are always happy. The prices are reasonable and the food selection for my family is great. And I always leave Trader Joe's in a better mood than when I entered. I don't know any other retail chain that can do that....for me.
One article I read explained that a certain automobile company was worried they were losing their share in the luxury car market. So they holed up in a posh San Francisco resort and began planning on how to win back their fare share. A consultant asked, "Who is your customer and what do they want?". Shockingly, the executives had no idea. So, they were given a task. Spend 30 minutes interviewing people from your customer base. Grudgingly, the businessmen complied. When they returned, the consultant gave them each $50 and told them to go shopping for a gift for the person they just interviewed. One man purchased a bright red fanny pack for his twenty-something person. Gift not well received. Others purchased knick knacks from around the Bay Area. "Why," they were asked, "would you buy memorabilia for someone who lives here?". "Seemed good" was the reply. But one group bought an entrepreneurial book and tucked the remaining $20 in the front flap. Why? Because their gentleman wanted to get out of his tech job and start his own business. 
Empathy is a hard concept for a lot of people to understand but it's a very important word. To understand the wants and needs of another person is crucial in every aspect of our lives. And something that is lacking in our world. We seem to be a bit more inward thinking than outward. More individualistic and less communal.
Successful leaders have this quality. Good friends have this quality. Outstanding doctors, nurses, police officers, teachers or firefighters have this quality. Military personnel usually have more empathy than most civilians. Empathy is one of the most selfless acts and probably the hardest to show on the list of seven happy people traits.
I am learning to be more empathetic with certain things. And I am trying to find resolutions to problems instead of complaining...perhaps that is the empathy peeking through. But I will admit...being empathetic is a daily struggle. But I do know I feel happier when I connect with someone through a shared understanding of a certain emotion, be it happy, sad or somewhere in the middle. And isn't that what most of us want on some level? To make a connection? To be understood? For someone to just "get it"?
I read a great quote the other day: "I'm a strong person, but every once in a while, I would like someone to take my hand and tell me that everything's going to be alright." Just so you know, I'm here with hands wide open.

The Joy of Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm. Passion. Fire. Hurrah. Zeal. Fervor. Wow. Pretty descriptive adjectives for the third word on Mr. Hewitt's list. When I hear enthusiasm, two words pop into my head: puppies and children. These creatures are enthusiastic about everything except sleep. Have you ever seen a puppy around a freshly filled bowl of food? Or a child attack a cupcake? The great outdoors is greeted with an unbridled passion that adults can only conger in their heads. Eyes bright and big, faces beaming, legs in full throttle, trying hard to get enough traction to propel them forward into an unknown but greatly anticipated adventure. And absolutely no clue where they are headed, but boy oh boy is it going to be fun! What a wonderful way to start any day.
I tend to be enthusiastic about a few things: friends/family coming to visit, beach trips, Christmas, East Carolina University, watching my children in their various activities, the first snowfall, TexMex food and a really good book. But, I cannot say I have been enthusiastic about my day to day life but I began working on changing my outlook. And wishing I would have listened to the advice given often and freely by many mentors: find your passion and follow it; the rest will take care of itself. I remember thinking, "Duh!" and then toddling off to my next great idea that would bring me great joy and an even greater paycheck. Neither of which came to fruition because I was not following the path of my given gift. And while I may have been enthusiastic in the beginning, the fire would soon wane and I would be idly daydreaming once again. And getting annoyed by the incredibly happy person sitting next to me. 
This past fall, when the children started school, David headed to work and I was left with the haunting silence of a house without pets, I began to examine parts of my life. I reflected back to my childhood and thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I read magazine articles detailing steps to finding your dream job. I researched how I could fit rewarding work into our family life that is happy and stable. I took long walks without my iPod. I studied the Bible  and watched the the ones around me who were content with their existence. And I bounced ideas off of David. And slowly but surely, I noticed enthusiasm was creeping into my mornings. An uninvited yet welcomed guest who I hope is unpacking her bags to set up residence permanently. I noticed I was excited about tutoring on Thursdays. I was actually enjoying spending time in the Elementary School office, making copies and chatting with Sandy, the enthusiastic and amazing front desk receptionist. I was giddy about cooking for my family. I could not wait for Wednesday mornings when I would gather with my Discipleship group to discuss religion, life and some of the best recipes that have ever landed on my taste buds.  And "Whoa, Nelly!" I was enjoying laundry! The simple act of folding and piling freshly washed clothing was bringing me joy and I thought I had been transported to another universe. 
And I was writing. Not for anyone in particular. And not for any real purpose. But I was starting to realize ideas were bubbling, constant and rapidly. And I was starting to sense God was talking to me, quietly and gently, leading me back to what I wanted to do as a child. Write. And be a Mom.  So, here I sit in front of our iPad, candles lit, music playing in the background, children reading to one another and my words flowing, uninterrupted onto a blank page. And I realize I am once again excited for tomorrow, wondering what new adventure will unfold and where my unknown path will lead me. My eyes big and bright. My face beaming and my legs, probably not in full throttle, but moving forward, happily, joyfully, enthusiastically. Hurrah!