Energy. My Mom has TONS of the stuff. My daughter and my Mom share the same gene, one that clearly has skipped a generation. I sit in awe watching them check things off their list, zooming from activity to activity and usually completing these things with a big ol' smile pasted on their face. I honestly get tired watching them. After all, I am Queen of the Nappers. But I am honestly a bit jealous, too. Quite often I tell my Mother-in-Law I want to bottle just 10% percent of their energy. She smiles and nods in agreement, as her eyes twinkle and I can tell for a moment she is stepping back in time surrounded by three busy children of her own. Evidently, my husband David had a hard time depleting his energy source as a a child. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law quickly back this fact up with numerous humorous stories. And here is what I have learned: energy begets energy. The more energy you spend, the more energy comes back to you. The higher the energy level, the more productive you become in your life. The more productive you are, the happier you are....ah ha! Here we are again with Mr. Hewitt's list.
I have seen this very thing occur in my own life. If I do not have a tentative schedule, I tend to get very sloth like. I move VERY slowly. After everyone leaves the house during the week, I like to start my day with a hot cup of coffee and a morning news show (I am a closet political junkie which does not always equal happy). I tend to think I am actually ON the show and chime in my take on the latest political rumblings. If I am not careful, this can stretch into lunchtime and then I realize I only have a little bit of time before the kids come home, so I might as well just see what else is on the boob tube. ICK!!!! And then I wonder why I am tired, listless and probably a bit grouchy. Hello. Sloth alert.
So, this year I have made a few changes to my daily habits. I still have my hot cup of coffee with the talking heads of political TV, but now I turn the TV off at 8am and begin my day. And I have a list of things I attempt to accomplish daily such as writing my blog, excercising, my daily devotional, writing in my gratitude journal and drinking a green smoothie. The last one is a 30-day challenge I discovered while perusing the Internet the weekend between Christmas and New Year's Day. I needed an extra "umph" in the afternoon and after doing a bit of research, I thought a healthy eating shake up might be a good challenge (much better than the half-marathon challenge last year :)). So each afternoon, when the kids come home from school, they have their snack and I drink my green smoothie of spinach or kale, almond milk or water and a couple cups of diced fruit. Yes, my children make comments about the gross looking drink and I think are grateful they only have to taste the latest challenge in Mommy's life, but they are also encouraging me in my current goal. And I have to say I am noticing a difference. My eyes are brighter, my skin is glowing, I am more selective with my eating choices and my energy level is up! And guess what? I am way more productive and I am happier. Coincidence? I think not. I am also contemplating branching out into unchartered territory for me, considering possibilities and thinking, "Yeah! I can do that!". As my Grandfather used to say, "It is easier to accept failure if you try and fail than never attempting at all.". He was a smart man with lots of energy and happiness to share. And he did. Freely and often.
There are always lots of articles and talk show segments telling you how to get extra energy. Excercise and eating healthy have always been on the list and I agree. Natural foods will always be a better choice than processed items. Fruits and veggies keep you fuller, longer. Excercise in any form reduces your heart rate, relieves stress, whittles fat from your midsection (which is the most dangerous place for fat to gather) and quite frankly, just makes you feel so darn good. The combination of good eating habits and excercise truly are the best ways to get long term, steady, productive, strong energy. There are no short cuts but the outcome is well worth the spent energy. So, maybe today, when Anna and Josh come home with energy to share, instead of watching in amazement, I will join in this whir of motion, with a smile etched upon my face. Energy in motion is a joyful moment indeed.
PS if you want to learn more about the 30- day Green Smoothie Challenge, please check out this link.
http://simplegreensmoothies.com/30-day-challenge
You might be pleasantly surprised at the taste for most of the recipes :). Cheers!
"Encouragement (noun): the act of encouraging; the state of being encouraged." (Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Eleventh Edition.). I suppose MW is encouraging me to further read their book and go up one word to encourage which is defined as "to inspire with courage, spirit or hope: HEARTEN." (ibid). Encouragement is something we both like to give and receive. Either way we use encouragement, we are going to feel good about ourselves. I have had a truckload of people who have inspired me through my life: family members, friends, coaches, co-workers, bosses, strangers, teachers, professors, authors, athletes, musicians, the list is endless. And I hope through the years I have encouraged a few people to try something that is out of their comfort zone or at least, perhaps I have made a moment in their day a little brighter.
A few years ago, when we were moving from Austin to Cary, a friend of mine gave me a book called, "Have you Filled a Bucket Today? A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids" by Carol McCloud. I have a teeny tiny problem with the title and I am surprised the editor did not catch the oversight. The second part of the title should read "....for People" because every word speaks to the heart of everyone and anyone. The book tells of an invisible bucket we all carry around with "its purpose is to hold your good thoughts and feelings about yourself.". Sometimes your bucket is overflowing with happiness and sometimes your bucket is bone dry. Sometimes people say good things to you, lifting you up, inspiring you to achieve and off you go skipping and whistling down the street with your bucket. This in turn will make you want to fill someone else's bucket by giving someone a compliment, writing a note, spending time with a new friend or just saying hi with a smile. Buckets are overflowing and life is good.
But then come those bucket dippers and boy these people can quickly suck the joy right out of you. Who invited them to our beach party? "Go away!" you say, clinging tightly to your depleting happy bucket. And all of a sudden, you are feeling sad, depressed and looking for someone to fill your bucket. Truth is, the bucket dipper wants some of your happy and guess what? You have plenty to share. So go ahead...encourage the bucket dipper to be a better person. You might ask questions about their day. You might compliment them on their hair, their eyes, clothes they are wearing or maybe something they did that day that was kind of extraordinary. The next thing you know, two buckets are overflowing and off you go to invite more people to your party.
Sometimes, though, your bucket is going to run on empty. Everyone's does and that's ok. Life is not always "rainbows and unicorns" and quite frankly, I am a little grateful it isn't. I am sure there is a person in your life who always has a good word to say, a funny story or just a big ol' smile. Reach out and ask for a drop in the bucket. We need as much as we give.
I really like the last few sentences McCloud writes toward the end of her book. "So why not decide to be a bucket filler today and every day? Just start each day by saying to yourself, 'I'm going to do something to fill someone's bucket today.' And at the end of each day, ask yourself, 'Did I fill a bucket today?' 'Yes I did!' That's the life of a bucket filler...and that's YOU!". I encourage you today to spread your sunshine around and warm a heart. And the funny thing is, you'll notice your heart is a little warmer, too.
And remember, don't be a dipper unless you're serving ice cream!
Last week I watched a segment on a morning news show that highlighted a new book authored by radio personality, Hugh Hewitt titled, "The Happiest Life: Seven Gifts, Seven Givers, and the Secret to Genuine Success". Mr. Hewitt was such a delightful guest that he has intrigued me to take a look at his book and I plan on downloading a copy soon. Hewitt stated the place to start is generosity and the rest will follow, enriching not only your life, but those around you as well. I like this concept, A LOT! Isn't happiness what most people crave in their life and have for centuries? I hear a lot of people mention happy on their resolution list but the truth is, happiness is a decision people make every day when they wake up. And I am guessing Mr. Hewitt knows that, too. But he gently suggests that people take a look at these seven attributes as a way of letting happiness into your every day life. True, there are going to be people who derail you off the happy train for a stop or two, but your attitude can easily make you a passenger once again. Being happy 100% of the time is an impossible goal (and I think it's important to look at what is causing the unhappiness, yet be careful not to dwell), but I think looking for a majority of happy is completely attainable.
Here is the list Mr. Hewitt mentioned on Friday:
encouragement
energy
enthusiasm
empathy
good humor
graciousness
gratitude
Did you notice something missing on this list? I did. Immediately. Wealth. Perhaps these are attributes of some wealthy people you know, but to me this list transcends race, economic standing, religious affiliation, political leanings, age, gender...well, this list transcends everything and why I think I am so drawn to his perception of happy people. And I thought of the happy people I know and yup, they have these traits, indubitably (Do you know how long I have been wanting to use that word in my post? I love to say it, with a British accent of course. Go ahead, try it. I guarantee you will smile!).
The other thought that popped into my head as I listened to Mr. Hewitt is that most children seem to have these traits. If you have spent anytime around children whether in a classroom, on a playground, in a social setting, or just watching your own, these adjectives are going to make their way to the forefront at some point in your observation. The next time you walk past a playground, just take a few minutes and I think you might be amazed at how quickly you will see the happiness factor surrounding you.
This past Saturday, Josh and I watched Anna play her first basketball game of the season. Josh was very excited to watch his big sister in action and even more excited that her team won. It's a little easier to be happy when you have success. But, what I walked away with was all seven of these characteristics were checked off by both teams. Of course, they had high energy level - that is kind of a given with children. But they encouraged each other, kindly and often. They showed empathy when a girl was injured or if a teammate had an awkward moment in the game (there are a lot of these in a 9/10 year old girls basketball game). They laughed at their mistakes. They were gracious and grateful athletes, whether they won or lost. Most of the girls were just happy to spend a morning, dribbling a round ball up and down the court with their friends, celebrating the good moments and learning from the "oops" moments. And yes, screaming and high fiving when points lit up their side of the scoreboard.
As always, I learn a lot from my children. And I am excited to spend the next few entries delving a little deeper into the words Mr. Hewitt has gleaned from his years studying happy people. Who in my mind, are the successful people of this world. Thank you, Mr. Hewitt, for putting a bit of joy in my day and also, the days ahead. "Shiny, Happy People" unite. See you in the funny pages!
I felt tired this morning as I was preparing breakfast and packing lunches for our children. Not surprising as this culminates the end of a busy yet fun holiday season. But I was a bit more lagging in energy than usual. So, after the hugs and kisses were delivered, coats zipped, hats and mittens pulled on with much dismay and everyone departed the house, I decided to lie down on the couch. As I closed my eyes, I realized I had not even made my coffee yet. Egads! What was I thinking? I thought about getting up and then decided to stay put....for two more hours! I woke up disoriented, dazed and trying to get my bearings. Then I put my arms over my head, clasped my hands together, turned my palms up toward the sky and stretched like a sunning cat in a window. And then I smiled. I thanked God for an unexpected nap.
Truly, aren't naps one of the wonders of the world? We really should celebrate naps more than we do in the United States. Remember Robert Fulghum and his book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten"? (If you have not read this book, I encourage you to put this read on your 2014 list - http://www.amazon.com/Really-Need-Know-Learned-Kindergarten/dp/034546639X). He bravely wrote, "Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk around 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.". A simple, basic act that could bring normalcy back in our hurried, hectic lives. A few moments to recharge, let go, decompress, look at the world differently, with rested eyes and hearts. Somewhere along the line, someone decided naps were for the lazy and unmotivated person. Somewhere along the line, people accepted this as fact but somewhere along the line, an enlightened person disagreed and now naps are being heralded as part of a healthy lifestyle. According to The National Sleep Foundation, a short 20-30 minute nap will boost your energy without interfering with your nighttime sleep. Ok, so I may have a weeeee bit of trouble sleeping tonight, but I am telling you I am on fire this afternoon. My kids may not share my enthusiasm about my morning nap but at least we will have an interesting time finding ways to burn through my extra energy today.
Here are a few more reasons to indulge in a daily nap without feeling guilty:
1.) restores alertness
2.) prevents burnout
3.) heightens sensory perception
4.) reduces risk of heart disease
5.) you will be more productive and creative
Still not convinced? Here are a few people you may recognize who embraced the nap as part of their daily routine: Leonardo da Vinci, Napolean, Thomas Edison, Eleanor Roosevelt, Gene Autry, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, John D. Rockefeller, Winston Churchill, Lyndon B. Johnson and Ronald Reagan. A pretty impressive list, I think. And go ahead, add my name. That should be the clincher in persuading your boss to allow naps as part of the new and improved employee manual.
Do you remember the TV show Seinfeld? George made a napping place under his desk and I remember thinking he was brilliant. I also remember secretly wanting to create a siesta area in my cubicle and had conspired with co-workers on the possibility. We proved unsuccessful. However, our boss did install a meditation room for yoga, but it was right next to her office and no one used the space unless she was out of town. And I am pretty sure yoga was not the activity of choice since I was the one waking people up to go home. I am not sure how productive that space proved to be in the long run.
But I digress. I am a fan of naps. I have been since before Kindergarten. I have been known to excuse myself to "go read" for a bit and never finish a book. But I have never regretted a nap. A short nap. A long nap. A medium nap. A planned nap. An unexpected nap. I love them all and I hope, sometime this year, you discover the unfettered joy of an unexpected nap. After all, I am guessing improving your health is on your 2014 list of things to do. Well, by all means, at 3:00pm, enjoy a cookie with a glass of cold milk, grab your blankie and enjoy a good nap. It's the least you could do. Sweet dreams.
In the midst of all the hoopla surrounding the Fifty Shades of Gray movie/book (of which I shall not comment upon), I decided to focus on fifty things (in no particular order) that make me happy. Let's have a look, shall we?
1.) Typing my blog outdoors on a beautiful, crisp Autumn day
2.) Toddlers accomplishing anything
3.) My children's uncontrollable laughter
4.) Birthdays
5.) Black and white movies
6.) Walking barefoot on freshly mowed grass
7.) Homemade chocolate cookies still warm from the oven
8.) Manners
9.) A cold beer on the beach in the late afternoon (a good book and a good friend optional)
10.) College football
11.) The Howard/Ashenfelter laugh filling up a room and hearts
12.) Snail mail
13.) East Carolina University
14.) Camping
15.) A really, really, REALLY good glass of Cabernet Sauvignon
16.) Funny friends
17.) My Dad's whistle
18.) Ocracoke
19.) My marriage
20.) David's really, really, REALLY bad jokes
21.) Bubble Gum
22.) 80's Music
23.) Running at any pace
24.) Children
25.) An Irish Storyteller
26.) Charlotte's Web
27.) Play Dough
28.) Charlie Brown TV Specials
29.) Riding a bike downhill
30.) The twinkle in Grandpa's eyes
31.) Josh's unique word pronunciation
32.) A note from my Mom
33.) My sister-in-law's ability to name the Capitol of every country
34.) Playing football in the snow with my brothers
35.) S'mores
36.) My cousins
37.) My mother-in-law's beautiful and articulate descriptions of her childhood
38.) ECU Pirate Fans
39.) My Granddad's true zest for life and humankind
40.) The first snowflake
41.) Anna's imagination
42.) Cooking
43.) Mad Libs
44.) Field Hockey
45.) Rainy days and puddle jumping
46.) Hammocks
47.) Catching up with friends
48.) Wildflowers
49.) Baby clothes
50.) Laughing at inappropriate moments
Sigh. That was a fast fifty and my heart is joyful knowing there is MUCH, MUCH more to add to my list. Tag...your turn :).
Way back in my college days at ECU, a blank page terrified me. The infamous Writer's Block kept me up more nights than I care to mention. Or you know, there was that whole "waiting until the last minute to complete the assignment" thing that may have attributed to aforementioned Writer's Block, but I digress. I dreaded hearing from my professor that we needed "x" amount of words, double spaced on "x" amount of pages. I clearly remember thinking no one and I mean no one wants to read that much about Emily Dickinson and my interpretation of "465 :I heard a Fly buzz - when I died -". Much later I learned my English professors were very fond of wine. I like to think I contributed to their discriminating taste, but again, I digress. I was terrified of not being able to fill those pages with intelligible and persuasive arguments supporting my take on any written assignment. But I do have a diploma, so I guess I did OK filling up the blank page.
This year, I am looking at another blank page, but in a whole different light. Both of our children will be enrolled in school full-time, I have no occupation, I am not volunteering on a committee, a group or a neighborhood board, I am not a gym rat, I am not socially driven, and well, truth be told, after September 6th, my calendar has no writing on any dates other than birthday reminders. A totally blank page. People are curious: "Aren't you worried about not doing ANYTHING?". Well, I wouldn't say I'm not doing ANYTHING! I have a house to finish unpacking. I am sure I will pitch in from time to time at school functions. I will have coffee dates with friends. I have a garden that seriously needs my attention. I have junk drawers to organize. I have words in my head that need to be placed on paper. I have books to read. I have a hammock in my backyard that looks incredibly lonely. I have trails to discover and shops in Apex and Cary to browse through on a rainy day. I have music to play really, REALLY loud. And I have dance moves saved for my own private party in my living room. I have recipes dog-eared in magazines to try on my family. I have photos from decades that need to be sorted, labeled and gazed upon with fondness. I can have lunch with my husband! I can stroll through art museums and musty old book stores. I can try on really expensive clothes for a make believe trip and then decide, "Oh, well, not today.". I can have a glass of wine with lunch, just because. I can take a nap! I can rent my favorite movies and watch them in the middle of the day. I can miss my dogs. I can call my friends and family across the country and not hang up because a ruckus is occurring in the next room. I can visit my sister-in-law on her lunch break. I can surprise my niece at college (just kidding, cutie pie...but I could). Or the best part, I can do absolutely none of these things.That is the joy of a blank page.
Today I walked into a coffee shop and noticed they had a help wanted sign. "I can be a barista!" I thought excitedly. One of my friends just landed a great part-time gig watching children once a day during the week. "Oooh, I could be a substitute teacher!". I picked up the Town of Cary class schedule and thought, "Ceramics! Pottery! Water Colors! Short Story Writing!". I thought about my interest in Yoga and thought, "I could be a certified Yoga instructor!". "Oh! I could write my novel!". And then I read an article about a woman who would be teaching people how to open their own cooking business out of their homes. "Oh! I could sell my hummus and guacamole!". "Oh! Oh! Oh! The possibilities!!!". And then I got really tired. And then I heard loud voices erupting downstairs. And I was off refereeing, again, as my possibility train was derailed until school starts.
And then I will find myself staring at a blank page, wondering how in the world I will fill in the white space for the next eight to nine months. You know, blank pages used to scare me but now, I find myself excited, nervous, giddy and joyful. I can't wait for the first smudge. I'm guessing I'll do OK on this assignment, too. So, tell me, what's on your page?
"But Mommy, I don't want to let him go!". were the words quietly whispered by my son as I broke the news that our 15-year-old Jack Russell was terminally ill and the "right thing to do" was to let him go. We have had to let go a lot this year. We let go of our apartment lease because we found the house of our dreams. In other words, we let go of money. We let go of Dixon, our medically challenged Black Labrador Retriever. We let go of our selfish hearts. We let go of preschool and Third Grade. We let go of our comfort zone. We let go of MOPS. We let go of Friday gatherings that maybe, just maybe, Mommy was outgrowing anyway. We let go of people who may not have had our best interest at heart. We let go of anger, frustration and hurt. We let go of schedules, weekly commitments and registration deadlines. We let go of rushing around, watching the clock and turning down fun. Yes, we lost some things, but then again, we found so much MORE!
In 1 1/2 years, we have moved three times (two in less than five months) changed schools three times, buried two dogs, rejoiced at the fixing of a loved one's heart, prayed over the news of a diabetic family member, attended sporting events, school events, social gatherings, traveled a bit to visit families, hosted friends, organized events, led groups and somewhere in between, laughed at the craziness we were trying to control. And then I let go.
I said no to organized summer schedules. I said no to swim lessons. I said no studying over the summer. I said no to planning vacations. I said no to working all the way through the summer. I said no to making concrete plans of any kind whatsoever. And then, school stopped and I breathed in with a heart stopping gasp. "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" I have three months of nothingness looming in front of me with two kids that have nothing, N-O-T-H-I-N-G on the calendar. I distinctly remember thinking Lindsay Lohan and I would be roommates by July. And then I let go of holding my breath. And something amazing happened. We have had the best summer EVER!
Swim dates. Sleepovers. Museum excursions. Beach trips...yes, multiple! Cookouts. Play dates. Friendship discovery. Gardening. Running. Biking. Hiking. Picnics. Ad Libs. Libraries. Family Movie Nights. Surprise breakfasts prepared by our daughter. Volleyball. Paddle ball. Baseball. Sharks and Minnows. Night swimming. Glow sticks. Visits to grandparents. Farmer's Markets. New recipes. Art. Writing. Reading. Candy Land. Would You Rather? Go Fish. War. Dinosaurs. Home Spa Days. Pajama Days. Water Shooters. Random run ins with old friends. Staying up WAY past midnight. Imagination Station. Streams. Fireworks. Sardines - hilarious reverse of hide and seek.Go Carts. Miniature Golf. Despicable Me 2. Uninterrupted vacation time with Daddy. New hairstyles. Make up sessions. Junk food pass. Key Lime Pie. Swings over a creek. Sandcastles. Fishing. Boogie Boards and Body Surfing. Cartwheels into the pool. 3/4 Flips. Sundaes for breakfast. Categories. Laughing HARD and UNEXPECTEDLY. Dr. Seuss flowers in our garden. Tomatoes. Hot peppers. Floats. Seafood. Dance parties. Root beer floats. Tan lines. Flat out fun.
And then, on August 1st, I had to let go...again. And I wanted to scream, "NO! This is not in my plans! This. Cannot. Be. Happening.". An amazing thing happened at the vet that afternoon. Mason had been very tired and lethargic all day, sleeping on our bed. At 3:15, I hooked up his leash and placed him in the car for our final road trip. He snuggled up into my lap, and placed his head over my shoulder. I held tight, cried and wondered how could I let him go? We arrived, were escorted to our room, and were reassured by the vet that this was absolutely the right decision. When they took our sweet boy back to prep him, my husband and I prepared ourselves. David decided he was going to hold Mason as he crossed over. When Mason came back into the room, David scooped him up and Mason looked right at me. His ears perked up. His eyes gazed into mine and for a second, I saw the puppy we brought home fifteen years ago. I smiled, patted his head, said my goodbyes and let go.
The next few days were rough but each day becomes easier. The children have VBS this week and I will be home, experimenting with how this Fall will feel when both children begin school. Once again, I have to let go when I am not really ready. But the one thing I have learned this year is while the letting go stings, the letting go can also bring great joy, surprise and wonder. And in time, you learn to let go - again. Because it is the right thing to do.
