2017 will bring me the gift of turning 50. Some folks are not excited about the half-century mark, but I have never been in the "normal" range of anything. I learned early, every day is a gift and celebrating 50 years of life is not a milestone everyone reaches. So, if I reach that sweet moment in October, the world will hear me celebrating.
My forties were a time of constant upheaval. Multiple moves in short spans of time and three professional changes for my husband. We moved 1,526 miles away from family and welcomed the birth of our second child. I felt like I was constantly Mommy-dating, which is way worse than regular dating. I missed my tight-knit group in Rocky Mount that scattered across the country, literally. I never felt that connection again. My Dad had mulitple health scares that seemed insurmountable when I could not touch his hand to comfort my growing fear of losing the man that shaped me. In the same vein, I had disagreements with this stubborn Father who raised a stubborn daughter. But we had a woman who navigated those rough spots in the ocean and guided us to a forgiving harbor as only a Mom can. I ache sometimes for the space we put between us but then again, I am more appreciative of the proximital and emotional closeness between us now. I carved my initials in a tree that grew in the lawn of my one and only childhood home that now provides shade for another family. I squoze the hand of my brother-in-law and whispered "Where it's a first down....Pirates!" for the last time. Football games and Christmas are permanently altered with a bittersweet taste that we try to sweeten every season. We sent our Mason and Dixon to the Rainbow Bridge, our children before children who provided memories that still make our hearts smile with their wonderful antics. I watched our children maneuver leaving fantastic friends in Texas to navigating new ones in Cary. The first year was a rough transition, but thankfully, both have found their way with friends, school and activities. I argued with God and the church made by humans. I have found peace with both. I watched dear friends say goodbye to those that should not have yet wrote a farewell letter I wished had never been mailed. And I realized that our life, anyone's life, would always be in transition whether we were prepared or not.
But with upheavel comes revelation of a new life. In Austin, I met an amazing group of women at my MOMs group. Strong, hilarious, funny, real and relevant. I keep in touch with all of those ladies today and I am amazed at the wonderful things they are accomplishing individually and as families. As when I lived there, they are a constant inspiration in my daily life. I ran my first half-marathon. I completed my first triathalon. I ran faithfully most mornings with a beautiful group of women who kept it real in life and on the trail. "Good Morning, Sunshine!" is never taken for granted. I dipped my little toe back in the working world pool and played with three-year-olds for two years. Those little hands and hearts will never know the impact they had on Mrs. Tingelstad. My little Cubs healed a heart they did not know was broken. I listened to a very good friend and decided to become a full-time substitute teacher. My work life heart is beating at a pace I did not know existed or could beat this happy. At times I wonder if there is a new path I need to follow. I watched my parents blossom in a new environment and watched a healing beyond my imagination unfold. God has His time and His reasons and I learned, humbly, I am still very much a student. With the guidance of those around me, I took a risk and decided to take my writing public with a little known blog, The Joy Diaries. This little blip on the internet gave me a place to let my heart heal, let me transition as a writer, as a Mom, as a woman and gave me the strength to realize that maybe, just maybe, sometimes my words make people pause, think, and ponder. When I started The Joy Diaries, my intent was mostly selfish. My children were growing, our life was changing direction and I was feeling a little untethered, a little adrift, a little lost at a time when I should truly be an anchor for my family. The Joy Diaries became my life boat.
But there always comes a time when the boat runs aground, or the gas tank is empty, or there is no wind in the sail, or perhaps, the old gal just needs to be dry docked. So, with a mixed heart, I am here to say this is the last entry for The Joy Diaries. I feel like she has run her course. This blog was a little bit like my first sail up the coast while I began to prepare for the journey around the world. And now I need to prepare for my new adventure. So within the next two months, or so, I will be unveiling two new blogs! One will be pertaining to my adventures as a Susbsitute Teacher titled, "Notes from the Sub" and one as a creative, and hopefully, career outlet, titled, "The Monologue" dealing with a variety of topics that tickle my brain, and hopefully, yours. I am hoping at some point, the Monologue will become more of a business side of my life where I can procure my writing skills, offer my speaking talents to various organizations and if I get a little crazy, show up on YouTube or Instagram or Twitter or if I get really adventureous, a local TV show.
On New Year's Eve, I wrote on a white board in our house, "What will you do to make 2017 an amazing year?" My son wrote, "Make Sadie Fly!". Sadie is our three-year-old rescue dog who is kind of a daily miracle. Well, if we can make Sadie fly, why can't Mommy fly, too? I look forward to seeing you all in the blue skies of 2017 where anything, and I mean anything, can happen.
To those of you that followed me, thank you so much for taking the time to read the words I typed. I hope you will continue to follow me to our next desination where we will continue to find joy in a different space. Because if you think about it, a Joy Diary is just your story waiting to be written. And I for one, cannot wait to joyfully read your happy ending.
