The Joy of Fearlessness

This weekend I had the privilege of attending an amazing conference: Making a Difference in my Corner of the World. The end of January, a friend forwarded me a flier about this weekend spiritual retreat and I have to be honest about my initial reaction. At first, I thought, "Eh, I don't think this is my thing." But as I went to hit the delete button, I had a strong urge to hit the attachment button instead. Funny how a small key stroke can have such a strong impact on your life.
I would like to tell you about Jen Barrick and her Mom, Linda. On a dark, cold November night after a celebratory church service, the family of four headed home with their spirits high and their love for God overflowing when a drunk driver slammed into their van head on at a speed of 80 miles an hour. Five lives were altered, but one would be taken to a place no one thought possible. Linda recounted when she realized the wreck was real and that it took an hour and a half for their Toyota van to be cut away from their bodies. At that point, her son and husband were taken to one hospital with serious injuries, she was taken to another hospital with serious injuries and Jen would be transported to yet another hospital, unconscious and little hope for recovery much less living through the night. After 16 heart wrenching days away from her daughter, Lynn, broken, busted and bruised was reunited with her daughter who was still in a coma, fighting for every breath. The doctors mentioned to Linda that when Jen began to work out of her coma, she might cuss. A lot. Jen never uttered one bad word, but instead recited passages from the Bible and sang songs of praise. Her mom was witnessing a miracle.
There is a long and perilous journey between that moment and the moment when I laid eyes on a beautiful, spirit filled young woman on Friday night. At first glance, Jen is a typical 22-year-old. She has long flowing brown hair. Bright, sparkly, captivating eyes. A smile that stretches wider than the Grand Canyon. And a love for God you can only witness and hope to one day achieve yourself. But Jen cannot remember what day or year she is living. She cannot walk up steps unassisted. Her fine motor skills are those of a child. Crowds and loud noises can disorient her quickly. She has headaches and tires easily. Her body shows the scars that remind her of man who made a terrible, terrible decision. But her spirit is marked by the hand of God. And she is quick to share her unyielding belief with everyone she encounters. She is fearless with her faith and fearless with her singing. And she will joyfully inform you she does not have a voice for singing but she belts her tune of glory, regardless. Fearless.
How do we lose our fearlessness? How do we become skittish, skeptical, afraid of failure and even more afraid of success? How do we lose our exuberance and all the sudden, settle? I observe my children, ages 10 and almost 6, and realize they are not scared of much. Anna tried out for a local play without any theatre experience. Thought she nailed it. She didn't get the part but she said, "Well, I guess I will sign up for acting lessons." and off she went to her next adventure. Fearless. Josh presented his research project on Norway to his Kindergarten buddies recently. I asked if he was nervous. "No," he replied. "I can do this!". And by this he had to say, "Takk skal du ha!" with vigor. Fearless. 
As I sit here with a sick Sadie stretched out beside me, I realize I need to be fearless and I am struggling. I know too much. And yet, I know nothing so I am stuck here, dangling with trepidation of what our vet will say tomorrow. I. Am. Not. Fearless. I wonder how I came to this place of worry, doubt and uncertainty. Linda gently reminded us this weekend you cannot have fear and faith at the same time. It is not possible. She should know. She survived and continues to fight a daily battle of fear versus faith. I have some work to do.
I think about Jen. Her Mom says every morning, Jen rolls out of bed onto her knees and says, "What are you going to do with me today, God? I don't want to miss anything!". Wow. Jen truly does not know what lies before her today and she barely remembers what occurred yesterday, but she does not care. She lives in the moment, every moment, eyes and heart open, wondering whose life she can change today. And every night she hopes that she hit the mark. I know she did this past weekend. President Franklin D. Roosevelt summed things up perfectly. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Perhaps that should be my New Deal. Riding shotgun with Jen: faithful, fearless and joyful to the core.

For more information on Jen and her miraculous story, please read her book, miracle for jen and also visit her website www.hopeoutloud.com.